Saying goodbye...

Hey everyone.

So, I’ve been thinking about something for months, and I think I’ve finally made a decision. I’m going to stop posting on this blog.

I think this blog will always be the blog that used to be a book blog, and maybe when I was eleven or twelve that was who I was. I simply loved books and wated to share my passion with the world.

I haven’t stopped loving books, I still do, I just feel like I can’t do this anymore. I am going through busy years at school and I don’t have time to read.

That, and maybe the fact that it’s hard to continue to love books when you keep thinking that you have to finish a book because people expect reviews from you. It makes it harder for me to put 100% of my effort and passion into what I do and it makes it harder for me to truly appreciate books and continue to love them.

But I think the biggest thing is that my identity isn’t as simple as ‘books’ anymore, especially not since my mental health issues began.

I feel like I have bigger issues I want to talk about. I want to spread the word about mental health and about infertility. I don’t want people going through the same issues as me to feel as alone as I did. I think if I could have someone tell me that they understood how it felt to be infertile and that they related to how it affects you psychologically, it would have meant a lot to me.

So I’m not going away, not by a long shot. I’m making a new blog, starting afresh. And I’ll add the link to this blog here when I’ve made it.

Thank you so much for supporting me over my years on this blog. I appreciate every single person who ever looked at this blog. If I’ve improved the life of even one person, it will have been so worth it.

And, so, for the last time, goodbye!
https://thestormingmind.wordpress.com

Just a quick post...

Hey guys! Just a quick one to let you all know that I'm going to have very bad WiFi for a while so you'll have to bear with me for at least a couple of weeks. Thanks for your patience.

LET'S TALK: Beating Anxiety (Part 2)

So, I saw my last post on beating anxiety seemed to be useful to people - I really hope it was. God knows I would have wanted someone to say all of those things to me when I was dealing with anxiety.

Now, this part two is stuff that helps on a day-to-day basis, not just for when your anxiety is really bad and you're having a panic attack. If you want to know how to deal with a panic attack you'd be looking for my other post. This is the stuff that is particularly useful for when you're at the point where you're starting to get better and just get bursts of moderate anxiety. This is best when you're not having panic attacks daily or bursting into tears for no apparent reason.

Seriously though, the bursting into tears thing, that happened to me several times. It was when I had just developed my anxiety and those of you who were following the blog or who have read my previous posts will know that I developed quite severe anxiety very quickly because of an issue with my heart. I fell down a rabbit hole, seriously, like some Alice in Wonderland stuff. Anyway, I was having panic attacks almost daily and several times I just burst into floods of tears, and it wasn't even triggered by anxiety. Wasn't even the surprise anxiety that jumpscares you just for a laugh. I think I was just so exhausted by it all. Anxiety seriously tires you out, though.

Anyway, tangent over, back to the topic.

1) Yoga/ Meditation/ Literally any mindfulness stuff

Okay, before you say anything, I'm not joking. It helps. Trust me.  I was sceptical too; God knows I hate meditation. I can't keep quiet. I promise you I'm as rambly in real life as I am on my blog. But I do partake in little bits of yoga and meditation and I'm working on building yoga into a daily routine. It helps to relax you and clear your mind and there are even yoga poses that can help the health problems that can come with anxiety. Believe me, you're going to wish you'd done yoga when you can't move your shoulders because you have so many knots in your back. It happens.

I've been advised to do this by professionals too, so I promise I'm giving you genuine advice. Even if you think you'll hate it, just try it once a day. Do a bit of yoga when you wake up or take five minutes to do some meditation. You'll be surprised where you can find five minutes in a day.

2) Sleep well

Honestly, I know this is the solution to everything, but better sleep is vital for dealing with anxiety. Sometimes you don't sleep at all at night when you have anxiety and the amount of pure adrenaline that courses through your body when you're struggling with anxiety can tire you out. When your body flushes with that much adrenaline you have a lot of energy until you're not full of adrenaline anymore, which is when you start to feel tired. If you don't sleep right you basically switch between anxiety and zombie-mode. So establish a solid sleeping routine. Count sheep. Surround yourself in lavender or something. Not sleeping makes anxiety a whole lot worse.

3) Exercise

Again, another piece of obvious-sounding advice, I suppose, but I can't stress it enough. All of that adrenaline in your body needs to be released somehow. Adrenaline triggers a flight-or-fight response so, basically, it's released by some sort of physical activity. It's released when you've successfully run away from (or fought) the rampaging bear or aggressive swan (seriously, though, they're scary) so the best solution is to do some running or cycling or any kind of physical exercise. Exercise doesn't only help get rid of adrenaline, it releases endorphins, which make you happy. And it helps you to clear your mind and relax your body. So go for a run, listen to some music.  It'll help.

4) Keep doing the things you enjoy.

It's all too easy when you're suffering from anxiety to lose interest in the things you normally really enjoyed. I lost interest in the blog for a long time when I was at my worst, and I'm sorry about that. I really love my blog and I love all of you. I also didn't want to go out with my friends and I struggled to pay attention (or even stay in my classes) at school. Any of my friends will tell you that I'm the biggest nerd (not ashamed) and that I love classes at school, but I didn't even want to go to school.

But that just makes you more miserable and it gives you more time with your anxious thoughts. I've always been an anxious person and I learned pretty quickly that the best thing to do is to keep busy so that you don't have time to be anxious. So keep doing the things you enjoy and don't let anxiety get in your way.

Just think, after all, that anxiety is an extended fight-or-flight response. Your brain just thinks it's protecting you. And, you have to admit, it's doing a pretty good job.



If you enjoyed this post then keep an eye on the blog, I'll be doing more like this in the future. Share this post on social media (you know, if you want to) and follow me on Twitter @Reviewing4Teens to see when I make a new post.

My Thoughts on Rereading Harry Potter

OMG, look! Something to do with books, at last!

Yes, my patient audience, I'm finally doing a post about books! You lovely people can finally enjoy the kind of post that I was actually meant to do. Don't worry, those of you who enjoyed my more personal posts, those haven't stopped.

This is my first post about books since last August - for those of you who are new here or aren't aware of what happened, please feel free to take a look back at my previous posts to give you a little bit of context and hopefully learn a little bit more about me - and I'm so excited to be talking about books with you again.

Just to pre-warn you, I will be reaching full nerd level here. This post is also basically one big spoiler, so feel free to leave if you don't want to experience that.

Anyway, if you live life on the edge and decided to start reading this post without looking at the title, it's going to be about Harry Potter. Also, what's a rebel like you doing here looking at this blog?

 

Not long ago, it was the 20-year anniversary of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone being released in the UK. It kind of inspired me to add 'reread the Harry Potter series' to my to-do list. And I've done it.

Now, I know a lot of people will be saying 'but they're children's books' and to you I say that the Harry Potter books are timeless masterpieces and goddammit I want to go to Hogwarts. The owl with my acceptance letter just got lost, I swear. Hagrid will be coming to fetch me any day now. Also, read this. And this. I'm opinionated, okay?

*sigh*  Muggles, I tell you.

So, this is just going to be a  probably extremely long and rambly  little post about my thoughts on rereading Harry Potter as a teenager.

Well, it would be an understatement to say that I gained fresh appreciation for J.K Rowling's skill as a writer. I mean, I always knew she was amazing and I never doubted her creative skills, having been an avid fan since I was very little, but I realised once again just how incredible she is.

J.K Rowling is one of those very rare writers who doesn't need to use flowery language to draw you into the world she has created. She doesn't need to make her words do any pretty tricks to prove she's a skilled writer. She just completely sucks you in from your very first sentence. I swear that I was so engrossed I must have caught myself holding my breath without realising about 500 times.

When you're reading any of the Harry Potter books, time passes without you even realising it. It's like... magic.

I think the reason the Harry Potter universe is so immersive is that J.K Rowling literally built the world of Harry Potter from nothing and she was so thorough with it, even drawing up extensive family trees and creating detailed backstories for her characters, with many of them not even coming up because these extra facts didn't turn out to be relevant to the plot, such as the fact that Dumbledore was gay.

A lot of authors will create a universe, but they will only create a world with exactly the amount of detail they need, not bothering to flesh it out beyond what comes up in the book. But J.K Rowling's work in creating the wizarding world made it feel that much more real. The thought she put into the universe is something that really comes through in the books, and I really respect her for it. It makes the Harry Potter books stories that you can just fall into for hours on end.

J.K Rowling is also the queen of meaningful quotes, none of which I will list for fear of wanting to list them all, and she seems to know exactly when to kill a character in order to achieve maximum heartbreak. Sirius. Dumbledore. Snape. Fred Weasley. Tonks and Lupin. And Dobby, who died a free elf. Nobody can take that away from him. Nobody.

All of these deaths were incredibly heartbreaking in their own way. Sirius, because Harry had only just found happiness with Sirius, who was the closest thing to a parent Harry had. Dumbledore, because he was a beloved mentor and Harry would have wanted his guidance in the events of the future books. Snape because he had only just been redeemed and his heartbreak over Lily Potter only just revealed. Fred Weasley because of how it affected the tight-knit Weasley family - and because we'd spent so many hours laughing about the antics of the Weasley twins. Dobby because he was such an endearing and pure character. There are others, with Cedric Diggory and Hedwig being particularly heart-wrenching.

Now, Tonks and Lupin deserve their own paragraph, because their deaths are significant in so many ways. Firstly, it was the end of a very beautiful love story. But secondly, because they had a baby son. This ties the series in a neat little bow and ends the story in exactly the way it began - a little orphaned boy to be brought up in a world recovering from a wizarding war. It's beautifully symbolic. Rowling is also the queen of symbolism. She's just the queen in general, okay?

And of course, for the death of a character to be heartbreaking, you have to love that character. J.K Rowling's characters are all incredibly real and human and they all make a mark on you in their own unique way. Even the minor characters are very likeable, and all of the characters have their own distinct personalities. The only way to describe it is that Rowling creates colourful and lively characters, with my favourite examples of this being Luna Lovegood and the Weasley twins. The redemptions of characters like Snape and Percy Weasley make you love them once again and you can't help but fall in love with each new character.

This post is getting far too long, so I'll finish it by saying that rereading the books now reminded me of everything I loved about them when my dad would read them to me as a very young child. I remembered what it was like to read and fall in love with each new page. J.K Rowling is, and will probably always be, my favourite author, and I definitely hope that her books remain classics for years and years to come.

So, tell me, what's your Hogwarts house? I'm a Ravenclaw myself. Let me know in the comments or on my social media, or let me know what your favourite thing about the books is or who your favourite character is. Anything! Let's just talk Harry Potter!

Turner Syndrome

So, I do seem to be getting some positive responses to these more relaxed and personal posts. I know they're not about books yet, but I only left school yesterday. Book things are in the pipeline, don't worry!

So, I thought I'd talk about something that affects me, and has affected me my whole life. I want to bring more awareness to it, too, if I possibly can.

It's Turner Syndrome Awareness Day!

When I was ten years old I was diagnosed with Turner Syndrome, which is a genetic disorder that affects one in every 2000 girls. It only affects females.

So, as you may have learned in science class, women have two X chromosomes and men have an X and a Y. So women are XX and men are XY. Turner Syndrome is where a woman is born lacking one X chromosome, or just a part of it. That's why it only affects girls - a male couldn't really survive if they were lacking a full X chromosome.

I lack half of an X chromosome, which means I have 'mosaic' Turner Syndrome, meaning I do not suffer from all symptoms.

You got that? I hope so. Now the sciencey bit is over, lets talk more about the disorder.

Firstly, it's a miracle I'm even alive, since most Turner Syndrome foetuses are miscarried and don't even get born. So yeah, I was a survivor before I left the womb. Beat that.

It makes you grow more slowly, which is why I'm about 4'9" right now and I'm not getting any taller. I've taken growth hormone injections since I was diagnosed and I've stopped now, which means I won't be getting much taller than I am right now.

On a more serious note, it can affect your heart [which may be the cause of my crazy tachycardia back in the summer - link here if you don't know what I'm talking about] and your kidneys. So that's not fun and it means I have to have regular checks on my heart.

It also greatly affects fertility [see this post for more information about this] and this means I am undergoing HRT, or Hormone Replacement Therapy. A lack of oestrogen, which is what I have, means delayed development and infertility, as well as risks of early heart disease. Which is also not fun.

Among other things I also have a rather distinct appearance, such as a low hairline, turned up toes and uniquely shaped fingernails. I also have hearing loss and short-sightedness, so that's another Turner Syndrome thing.

And that's not even getting into things like issues with anxiety [see here for more on that], social awareness, spacial awareness, numeracy and a phase in childhood involving ADHD-like symptoms.

Many people are diagnosed in babyhood, but it took a long time for me to be diagnosed, unfortunately. But at least it means I can be here to raise awareness with you guys about a condition that isn't often spoken about.

I'll add a link to the NHS page on the disorder so you can read up more for yourself. Please do educate yourself on something that affects one in 2000 women.

If you have any questions please do ask and I'll be sure to do a Part 2 of this. Thanks!

Also, I'm so close to 1000 followers on Twitter, so please do follow my Twitter, @Reviewing4Teens. That's it for today. Thank you for reading!

LET'S TALK: Myths About Anxiety

One of my friends told me just yesterday that she likes the 'personal' posts I've been doing lately. So, hello to that friend. Hope you enjoy this post.

To those who don't know me, hi! I'm a complete and utter nerd who thinks it's a good idea to share her anxiety and health problems with the internet rather than actually doing posts about books like she's supposed to.

So, I want to talk a little bit more about anxiety and bust some common myths about anxiety, hopefully, while talking a little bit about my anxiety.

As always, the obligatory disclaimer: I'm talking about my experience with anxiety, and as you'll read on to see, anxiety is different for absolutely everybody. What I say might not be the same for someone else, etc etc.


Myth 1: Anxiety = Social anxiety

Ok, social anxiety is definitely a very common manifestation of anxiety, but a lot of people solely associate anxiety with social anxiety. I feel like this is perhaps due to media, where anxiety is most commonly shown in the context of social anxiety, if it's shown at all. In fact, there is a whole range of different kinds of anxiety someone can have. I, for example, suffer from health anxiety. So this is most definitely untrue, and it feels really awful when people just assume anxiety is solely social anxiety. It almost feels as if my anxiety isn't as valid.


Myth 2: You can "snap out of" anxiety

For some people, anxiety doesn't last long and people learn quite quickly how to control and manage their anxiety. But something I've wanted to tell SO MANY people since I developed my health anxiety is that telling someone to 'get a grip' doesn't make their anxiety disappear! If anything, it makes the person with anxiety feel guilty and like they are a burden on other people. It makes them feel like they are crazy, which is one of the worst things for someone suffering from anxiety to feel. Just don't ever say this to someone with anxiety.

It could take a few days, weeks, months, even years to deal with anxiety. It's taken me almost a year to fully get a handle on my anxiety to the point where I feel I can control and manage it. So just be patient.


Myth 3: Anxiety is the same for everyone

A lot of people try to simplify anxiety, to make it easier to understand, and seem to believe that everyone's anxiety is the same and everyone experiences anxiety in the same way. This is absolutely not true. I have friends who suffer from anxiety, and we experience anxiety completely differently. Everyone's brain is different, so why shouldn't everyone's anxiety be different?


Myth 4: You have to be prone to anxiety to develop it

This is absolutely false. Admittedly, my Turner Syndrome [which I'll do a post on if you want me to, just let me know] does make me prone to anxiety, and my mother and sister both suffered from anxiety in the past, but absolutely anyone can develop anxiety. All you need is the right trigger and you're off. Welcome to the matrix


Myth 5: Anxiety is a short-term thing

Anxiety is a lifelong thing, you just get better at controlling and managing it. Sure, I developed health anxiety last summer, but for a long time in my life, I suffered from separation anxiety. This resulted in some next-level homesickness when I went on school trips. So I've always sort of had anxiety.



Well, that's it! I really hope this helped. Be sure to share this post on social media if you liked it and check out the blog on Twitter @Reviewing4Teens.

Not Being Able to Have Kids

I apologise for any spelling and grammar mistakes. It's late at night and I'm on my phone. But I felt I needed to talk.


First of all, I'd like to apologise for my inactivity. I'm in the middle of very important exams and I need to focus on them. In a few weeks you can expect full activity.


Secondly, I'm aware I haven't done a post that's actually about books in a while, but I've been far too busy with this school year (which has, as I mentioned, very important exams) to really read at all. And with recent changes in my life, which you'll understand if you've read previous posts of mine, I feel that the posts I've been doing recently are very important, as these major things in my life have compelled me more than ever to speak about important issues.


But onto the actual topic of this post. To write this post I will have to reveal my gender. I am, in fact, a female. I doubt any of you are surprised, but there it is.


Now, when I was ten years old, I was diagnosed with a genetic disorder called Turner Syndrome. Look it up if you feel compelled to, though I am sure I'll talk more in depth about it in the future.


Turner Syndrome is usually characterised by small stature, among other things. It can result in heart issues (my tachycardia in August) and heightened anxiety (sound familiar?). But the worst thing about it is that about 90% of girls who have it are barren, being unable to produce mature eggs.


At the time of diagnosis this didn't really mean anything to me. I didn't understand what it really meant. It hadn't sunk in. And, to be frank, at age ten I was more concerned with the whole being-short thing than the fact I couldn't have children.


But I'm older now and I find myself wanting to have children when I grow older, and it is truly sinking in.


It is an oddly primal feeling, the strong desire to have children and to pass your genes onto the next generation. To have a child that is yours. It is hard to describe, the feeling that comes with being infertile and yet wanting children. It is the most human feeling I have ever experienced.


But then there is the feeling inadequate. The feeling that you can't truly be a woman if you can't have children.


We are taught from a young age, especially girls, that the greatest gift in life is the ability to have children. And it is very painful to have that taken away from you. For me, it damages my self-view and my self-worth.


And then came the questions of future relationships. How many people would not want to be with me because of my lack of fertility? Would I ever be 'marriage material'?


I have options open to me. Adoption. Egg donation. Hormone therapy and egg freezing. But none of them truly feel right. Freezing eggs is a painful process requiring a lot of hormones. And adoption and egg donation wouldn't give me a biological child.


To sum up, being a barren woman is confusing and upsetting and it even puts your ethics to the test. You have to be strong and resilient and determined.


I'm sorry if this post is rambly or doesn't make sense. I wanted to share my deepest thoughts and emotions in support of others going through the same thing. I hope those going through similar things can relate. It's important to know that you aren't alone.

LET'S TALK: Beating Anxiety (+Survey)

There's a survey at the end of this post that I would love for you to fill in. I'd really appreciate your feedback.

So, this is the second post in my series about mental health. Click here to see a post explaining the cause of my anxiety and here to see my first post in this series.

So, I have been talking with a lot of people who have anxiety. I have friends both in real life and on the internet who suffer from anxiety or other mental health issues. And I've realised that the biggest problem is how alienating mental health issues can be. They can make you feel so isolated that you don't know how to beat your anxiety. So I thought I'd let you know how I deal with my anxiety.

DISCLAIMER: This is just how I personally deal with my anxiety - this doesn't mean it will work for everyone. Everyone's anxiety is different, just like every person is different. So just because I'm saying this works for me, don't get frustrated if it doesn't work for you.

1) Take deep, slow breaths.

If I'm in a full on panic attack, the first thing I'll do is take good, deep breaths, usually with a few seconds in between inhales and exhales. This prevents hyperventilation and helps you to calm down. Most of the time, anyway. This helps to get you out of the panic attack and to be able to think clearly enough to dispel the anxiety.

2) Use relaxation techniques

After I've taken my deep breaths, I'll do what is called 'progressive muscle relaxation', which is where you relax each part of your body individually. For example, first you would scrunch up your hands and toes and then let them relax. You would do this for each part of your body until your muscles are relaxed. I need to do this because when my anxiety was at its worst my back was a mess of knots because of how tense I was all of the time

3) Use logic to challenge your thoughts.

I do this technique, it is called 'putting the thought on trial'. You weigh up the evidence for and against your anxious thought (more often than not you anxieties are completely irrational) being true and then this should help you relax, as logic will help you to see how irrational your anxious thought was.

4) Write down your anxious thought

I use a sheet to record my anxious thoughts. These are easily downloaded - search for 'seven column thought records' and you should be able to find something like what I use.  This helps you if you have similar thoughts in the future and allows you to distance yourself from the thought, meaning you can feel less anxious and can challenge the thought more logically.

5) Talk to someone who understands

This might be hard, granted, if you don't know anyone else with anxiety. It's not a vital step but it definitely helps me finding people who can relate and can help me through my anxiety issues. It allows me to learn tips for dealing with anxiety from other people, too. So if you haven't found a strategy for yourself yet, the strategies of others might just work for you.

So with all that being said, if anyone ever wants to talk about anxiety, the comments are a safe space as well as my social media. I encourage all of you to follow me on social media because I'm always open to suggestions for blog posts or questions for possible Q&As. So follow me on my Twitter and Facebook and talk to me anytime.

Now, I'd love if you'd fill in the survey below - your feedback is really valuable to me.

Social Media

Hey everyone!  I'm doing a bit more of a relaxed blog post today because I am busy lining up some new content and promoting the blog.

It would help me out a lot if you would all follow my Twitter account @Reviewing4Teens. I also have a Facebook , just search Teenbookreviewer and you'll find me.

On Twitter I am always willing for my followers to suggest new blog post ideas for me. Also, I would love to work with more bloggers, authors and publishers.  Just email me at teenbookreviewer@aol.com

I guess that's it. Follow my social media and feel free to email me. I am trying to get more active on social media, so it'd help me a lot to get more followers.

International Women's Day - The Best Women in YA

Hello, hello, hello!

So it was International Women's Day this week, and I felt that I just had to show how the characters in our books can inspire us by listing some of the most inspirational characters in our YA books - all female, of course.

So, I've tried to pick strong, determined women who I think young readers should look up to, and (fictional) women who shaped my life. Here goes nothing!


5. Georgia Nicolson, The Confessions of Georgia Nicolson series, Louise Rennison

Georgia might sometimes not be the best role model for the readers of the Confessions of Georgia Nicolson series, but I would argue that she is fiercely determined. She knows what she wants, sometimes to the point of stubbornness (but come on, we can forgive her, right?) and will do anything to get it. She represents a strong young woman for teenagers going through similar experiences and she provides a hugely relatable character. She is very self-aware, too, and is extremely confident. In my eyes, not only a relatable character, but also a role model.


4. Cather "Cath" Avery, Fangirl, Rainbow Rowell

Cath is great for teenagers because she gives a voice to a group of teenagers that is all too often made the butt of jokes - fangirls.  She is funny, sweet and relatable and overall just a fantastic role model for young women. She is bookish, humble, sensitive and talented and so I think a lot of young teenage girls should look up to Cath - if not necessarily for confidence reasons, I'll admit!


3. Evie,  The Spinster Club Series, Holly Bourne

Evie is a character very close to my heart, because 'Am I Normal Yet?' was something that helped me get through anxiety. It was amazing to go on this journey with Evie, and I know that so many others will have related to her and will have found her character someone very helpful for dealing with their own anxieties. Not only this, but Evie is strong and resilient (even if it doesn't seem like it at first) and actually very determined to get through her anxiety.  Her character brings the struggles of anxiety to life, something which I found quite a comfort.

2. Katniss Everdeen, The Hunger Games Trilogy, Suzanne Collins

That's right, Katniss Everdeen is volunteering as tribute for second place. She's smart, she's practical, she's determined and motivated and she is phenomenal with a bow. And, after all, you don't get much more inspirational than inciting a rebellion, now do you? The girl on fire is an inspiration to many of the young people who read the Hunger Games trilogy, who admire her courage, her intelligence and her sassiness.


1. Hermione Granger, the Harry Potter series, J.K Rowling

I'm sorry, but Hermione Granger will always come first for me as the best female character in YA fiction. She's kind, resourceful, practical, talented and of course ridiculously intelligent. She is refreshingly straightforward and blunt, and her logical and analytical mind always help Harry and Ron get out of trouble. She captured my heart from the very beginning with her wit and sass and she is extremely confident. For me, Hermione Granger should be the ultimate role model for any young girl.


Well, that completes my list. You might also notice that every book in this list was written by a female author. Not only am I showcasing these brilliant female characters, but I'm also showcasing their equally brilliant creators.  Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this short list. See you next week!

The Blog's New Style

Hello! I hope nobody had any problems reaching the blog today! The blog has had a complete and total revamp today so as to give it a fresh change.

You can still call me Teen Book Reviewer, but the blog is not called Semper Magis. I was trying to think of a suitable name for the blog for quite a long time before today, when I decided to go with this.

Anyway, if you like the blog's new style, please do let me know on my social media - my follow links are to the left - and I hope you enjoy the new style!

Let's Talk: Mental Health and Grieving

Yes, my next post wasn't supposed to be about mental health, I said I'd get back onto the stuff that this blog is supposed to be about - books and all things related. But as I've been telling a lot of you for a long time, mental health has recently become a really large part of my life. And I know that it's a part of life for many young people - 1 in 10 children between the ages of 5 and 18 have mental health problems. That's a huge number!

So I've decided to begin a new series on the blog, called Let's Talk, where I'll talk with you about mental health. I've decided to start off with mental health and grief, for reasons which you'll soon understand.

I lost my grandmother recently and was at her funeral earlier this week. So I thought I'd talk about my experiences of having mental health issues and grieving.

Of course, as a disclaimer, I'd like to say before I go on that every health issue is different and every person is different and therefore nobody's experience will be exactly the same. I'm just writing about my personal experiences with anxiety and grieving.


It began in the car to the funeral - I could feel my stomach dropping and my legs jittering. Anxiety had come to visit me again. Whether it was because it was a highly emotional day or just because my brain hates me, it had come to visit. I knew there wasn't a reason - my anxiety is related to health and I could feel none of the usual headaches or stomach pains that might normally set my anxiety off. No, it was just one of those times - and anyone with anxiety will probably know exactly what I mean - when anxiety comes to visit you completely randomly, just to ruin your day.

And then I got out of the car with my mother and went to stand with my cousins, one of whom gave me a beautiful red rose to hold. I am one of nine grandchildren (and also one great-grandchild) for my grandmother and we were all going to place a rose in front of a picture of my grandmother during the service.

As the limousine carrying my father, my grandfather and my aunts and uncles arrived, with the hearse ahead of them, one of my cousins burst into tears. Her fiancee rushed to comfort her.  I could feel my heart begin to beat faster, my head bursting with so much emotion that it could only express itself through anxiety.

And it broke my heart to see my father's face as he got out of the limousine, comforting my crying aunt. I'd never seen my father like this before, and it was so difficult to see that.

Then came the most difficult part - the service. My knees were jiggling the whole way through as I tried to keep still. My body was converting my grief and sadness into anxiety tics, and I felt like I couldn't stop moving.


I know that was a short story and it didn't tell much about my thought processes or anything, but if I'm honest it's all a blur. With grief, your brain gets muddled up anyway, and when you add mental health issues on top of it, your brain is on the verge of implosion. It can't handle both grief and anxiety very well, is all I'll say.

Grief is a difficult time for everyone, and what I would say is that I got many feelings of guilt. I felt guilty thinking about my anxiety when I should have been thinking about my grandmother more. I felt guilty because I was moving and jiggling around in what should have been a quiet and solemn moment in dedication to my grandmother.

I wrote this because I wanted to let people who have health issues know that they are not alone. I hope I've done that.

Finally, please do follow my social media and let me know what you would like to talk about in my next 'Let's Talk' post. I'm always happy to take suggestions on board.